We're about to welcome a new baby at our house in the next few weeks (or days)! I know there will be a lot of change for my older daughter to process, but one of the things that stays consistent around our house is communicating directions. It's my toddler's job to test boundaries and crave independence, and it's my job as an adult to be clear and consistent so that she feels safe to pursue things on her own within the boundaries we have outlined as a family. I use the same phrases with my speech therapy clients and it makes sessions go smoother with more gains in language and less distracting behaviors.

Using clear, straight-forward, and consistent language helps your child follow through because they actually understand what you are asking them to do.

Here are 5 phrases that make our daily round-up:

"Let me know when you are ready"- Great to use when you truly don't mind waiting. When my daughter is finished with eating and ready to get down from her chair, she will sometimes push her feet against the table. I say, "I'll wash your hands and get you down when you take your feet off the table. Let me know when you are ready." I don't want to spend my time convincing her to follow directions. Using this phrase and then walking away is usually a quick motivator for her to follow through!
"I need you to___"- A simple, clear phrase that communicates exactly what you want. "I need you to take your shoes off and put them in the basket."
"It looks like you need some help"- Nothing undermines a child's cry for independence like offering your help. I often use this phrase if my daughter is lingering and not following through on something I have asked. She usually gets moving right away to avoid my help!
"When you ___, I will ___"- This phrase provides a choice to your child and also a clear expectation of what you want them to do. "When you sit on the potty, then we will go outside."
"I don't want you to ___"- If your child is doing something that's potentially unsafe (or just annoying. . .), this is a phrase to include. I try to limit my use of language that sounds like "NO NO NO" and reserve it for situations that are truly a big deal. "I don't want you to chew on the table. That will hurt your teeth." I often provide a brief explanation for my command so that my child connects my words with their actions.

Some days things go beautifully, while other days I tell my daughter to walk to the house and she bolts in the direction of the neighbor's lovely garden. Children are unpredictable and often throw us for a loop, but we are all on this journey together. I find that using clear language and being consistent results in far more fun and less frustration. Leave a comment and let me know how these work for you!

If you want more info about communicating clearly and setting boundaries with your young child, this book is a great resource.

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A visit to the beach quickly invites me into a state of rest. There's something about the sound of the waves, the sunshine, the breeze that make the stresses of life less heavy on my mind. I stare at the vastness of the horizon and marvel at the unique part I play on this Earth while also pondering my insignificance. Parenting evokes the same feelings for me. Some days I wake with confidence that I am molding my children's minds and hearts to live a life of destiny and purpose. Other days I am pretty sure the only thing I have succeeded at is moving poop from one location to another.

I would say that I embarked on my parenting journey with extreme optimism, but I am realizing that my hope for a positive outcome was rooted in unrealistic expectations. Sadly, when our experience doesn't match our expectation, disappointment usually creeps in and steals our joy. I missed out on moments of joy and gratitude in my daughter's first year, because nothing seemed to come easily or as planned, and so I assumed that something was wrong with me. I have come to realize that there is no perfect way to parent a child. No exact methodology that will make your life easy or seamless or get your baby to sleep 12 hours or potty-train your toddler with no accidents. I do think there are more effective ways to encourage and correct our children, but even those methods vary according to your child's temperament and ability.

Society seems to focus on measuring parental success in areas that have little to do with the long-term physical, emotional, and spiritual health of our children. People like to ask questions about whether your baby is a good sleeper, or eats all his veggies, or whether he happily stays with the babysitter when you leave. When you can't answer these questions every time with a resounding "yes", it's easy to feel like you are failing. I think a far better measurement of our effectiveness as parents would involve questions like: Did my child feel loved and understood today? Did I demonstrate patience and kindness? Did I give my child opportunities to learn and practice a new skill?

I work hard to help my daughter develop good sleep habits, get her recommended dose of veggies, and reassure her of my love when I leave, but her response on any given day doesn't necessarily reflect on my overall ability as a parent. Parenting is a lengthy process, and I've decided to give myself grace for learning. My goal is to grow in confidence and kindness daily so that I respond with a healthy attitude no matter how my child acts in the moment. I want to provide ample room for my children to make mistakes and learn, and so I first extend grace to myself to make forward progress each day while silencing the pressure to get things perfect. Perfect parents and perfect children don't exist. If you are a parent of a child with special needs or a language delay/disability, it's easy to focus on what your child can't do rather than focusing on those daily steps in the right direction that invite your child into his potential. As a speech-language pathologist, I help families implement strategies and changes that promote progress and encourage everyone in the process. Please email me if I can help you and your family or visit my SERVICES page for more information.